Lady Luck is rarely present at an equine event. In fact, it's usually her ugly sister screw that I meet there. But here's some sure fire tips to betting you might even want to bet the Belmont 2008 with these gems:
1 - The old guy with three teeth cursing the jockey for losing a race 4 years ago, get behind him in line to bet, don't have what he's having.
2 - Find the most attractive girl at the track, go up and see who she likes in the next race. Tell her you hope she get's lucky. Then duck.
3 - It's ok to bet a horse w/ colored wraps that match your colored socks. It's ok to bet a grey/roan horse if you're going grey. It's not ok to bet a horse because they look like your wife from behind or from the front. It's suicide to mention this coincidence.
4 - You can bet the gas money, but keep some cab fare. You can bet the cab fare, but hold on to the bus fare. Ride a bike to the track if you can.
5 - If all else fails keep quiet during the race and whoever is leading w/ a 16th of a mile to go, preferably wait for a horse with a big lead, start cheering them on. If that horse wins look for friends to high-five, if that horse loses consider another hobby.
Bet within your means, mean to bet the winners. |
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